My Nipples Talk Too Much

You can’t please everyone but try telling that to my nipples

image by Ulkar purchased by the author

“Hey, Lady!”

A deep, gravely voice woke me up in the middle of the night.

“You forgot to take your bra off!”

A higher voice chimed in.

“I’m itchy!”

“Jesus. I was just trying to get some sleep. Why’d you have to wake me up just for that?”

The question was rhetorical, but Poky the Nipple and his twin sister Flip responded anyway. Their voices grew louder as I pulled my exercise bra over my head.

“Stop talking at the same time, and please stop yelling. You’ll wake up the neighbors.”

I eyed my knees, which were known for long, groaning complaints. Poky grimaced and lowered his voice. He’d spent many a day and night listening to hours of back-and-forth complaining between my knees.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. Hey, Flip, turn down the volume!”

Flip complied. Poky looked up at me.

“Listen, Lady. I know you went to a lot of trouble picking out this new sports bra, but it’s not working for us. Also, you cannot pull blankets and sheets over our faces. You know that Flip has claustrophobia.”